March was supposed to be the month of fun and frolic. A time to enjoy the warmth of Spring, to get wasted on Holi, see Sooryavanshi and more. But sadly, a woman “apparently” ate a bat and now the whole world is quarantined at home. Self Isolation, while seemingly easy, is actually quite taxing because there is only so much a person can do at home.
If you too have drawn a lakshman rekha outside your house, then surely you have done the following:
1. Messed Up Your Sleep Cycle
Time has become a state of mind. Because you have nowhere to go the next day, you don’t need to sleep only at night or stay awake only during the day. Sleep is now marked by hours, not by the number on the clock. You can tell people that you slept for 7 hours yesterday, but do they know it was from 4am to 10am? Subsequently your daily schedule has gone for a toss too. Food, water, showers, exercise (yeah as if) no longer follow a pattern, they are finally free.
2. Eaten 3 lunches and 4 Dinners
An idle mind is the devil’s workshop and an idle body is forever hungry. Since time is now an illusion, meals are in abundance. You find yourself snacking every few minutes and eating maybe twice or thrice of what pre-quarantined you would. And nutrition is a joke to you now. Hide N Seek with Lays and Fried Rice for breakfast? Name a better combo, I dare you.
3. Made the Dalgona Coffee
Don’t even try to deny this one, you know you’re a mainstream and basic and did it just for Instagram.
4. Made a Tik Tok
What started as a “one time thing” has now become your hourly activity. You find yourself doing those very dance steps you once judged with a passion. Kartik Aaryan will be proud of you. And you find yourself slowly warming up to the idea of becoming a Tik Tok Influencer. You record in the bathroom, while cooking, while sleeping and while breathing.
5. “Work” From Home
Waking up at 11am, sending 3 emails, having con-calls in your boxers and playing PubG the whole day while getting paid for it may be just the best thing to happen this ‘rona season. The thrill of pretending to be busy while binging on Money Heist is an extremely satisfying one. But you’re also becoming way less productive and low-key want to go back to your office.
6. Binge Watched Every Show Ever
The question is no longer about which show have you seen on Netflix. It is which show you haven’t seen on Netflix. Since you’ve established that time is an illusion, it passes slowly. So to hasten it you’ve binge watched every single show on IMDB’s Top 10 List. Plus now you even have the time to catch up on all those shows you “didn’t have time” or were “too sleepy” for. Your standards have lowered as well. Emmy-winning dramas and Alt Balaji Soft Porn have all made it to your watchlist.
7. Made 100 Plans for “When this Ends”
This is one self explanatory and way too emotional to write about. But we know all about your bar hopping weekends, plans for Goa, and a trip to Europe.
8. Tried Baking
Banana Bread? Chocolate cake? Cookies? We know you’ve tried your hand at these. You may have triumphed, you may have failed, but you definitely know that it isn’t as easy as it looks. Brownie points (yes, yes I did) to you if after your ‘baking’ your mom yelled at you and gave you a lecture about wasting supplies in such a time.
9. Drank for No Apparent Reason
Since we have fully established that time is an illusion, every hour is wine-o-clock. Here wine includes everything from vodka to Old Monk to whiskey to even Absinthe (hey, whatever gets you by). No definite purpose is needed to drink anymore. We are living through a hard time and taking the edge off is not a crime. Plus it’s not like you can leave your house to go out or drive or make questionable choices.
10. You’ve had a LIT and a BANGING time
If you know, you know
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