Border tensions have been at an all-time high. For the past few weeks, the army standoff at the LAC has sent ripples of tension all over the country. The Chinese PLA made the news yesterday when the media reported that the PLA set up loudspeakers that blasted Punjabi music in an attempt to torture the Indian army with ‘psychological warfare’.
But if the PLA thought that they could use OUR music to beat our own soldiers, they were wrong. We invented Punjabi dhinchak songs. We created the monster. And that means that we can unleash her most terrifying beats.
Here are 5 Punjabi songs with which the Indian army can retaliate; songs that will make both sides put down their arms, run away and end all wars.
Sunny Sunny Yaariyan
Look, we have nothing against Honey Singh, but this song is honestly one of the wildest beats that have ever been created. And the lyrics, damn. Literally bombs. Shakespeare wrote “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day”, and Honey Singh wrote “Aaj blue hai paani paanipaani paani paani paaniAur din bhi sunny sunnysunny sunny sunny sunny“. If this doesn’t make the PLA run in terror, I don’t know what will.
Oh, the PLA will be begging for mercy if this song is ever played on the battlefield. Badshah is generally known for cultural appropriation, stealing music from folk and tribal songs and making usually intolerable beats. But Mercy takes all that to a whole other level. If we thought Honey Singh was the new Shakespeare, Badshah definitely proved us wrong with lyrics like “aise hilti hai waise math hila kar
Laghe mujhe rahegi Rabb se mila kar
Body teri hotter than Chinchilla fur
Teri maa ne tujhe bada kiya kya khila ka“
Duniya Sharma Jaayegi
Yeah, this isn’t a Punjabi song but this song will make anyone sharmao-fy. From Beyonce to Beyonse to Duniya, they really tried their best to really sell this song to the public. However, the Indian masses were not having it. The song is a total cringe-fest and if the PLA hears it, their ears will bleed and they will be sorry they ever began the music battle.
Gallan Kardi Remix
Let’s get one thing straight: Jinhe Mere Dil Luteya is an iconic song and I will defend it forever. Second: Gallan Kardi should not have been released. How dare they. How dare they remix such a great Punjabi song? Saif Ali Khan dressed up and dancing in a fashion way too young for his age, the overdone party scene, and the unnecessary electrified beats just make this song unbearable. If anything, a bad remix can chase an entire army away.
Baby Marvaake Maanegi
Apart from sending a twisted up message about domestic abuse and consent, just in the wake of the #MeToo movement, this Raftaar song is a cringe-fest. This (cough sexist cough) song is about yet another male singer rapping in a mansion surrounded by babes about how he’s such a playa. If this isn’t a weapon powerful enough to make others burn, I don’t know what is.
What songs do you think the Indian army can use as weapons against enemy troops? Tell us on firstname.lastname@example.org